Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Are you watching?

I've not posted in so long that it's hard to tell if I'm even watching flix anymore. Speaking of "flix", Netflix is fantastic. There are many Showtime shows I would have seen but I must Netflix them. 'Bullshit with Penn & Tell' is one of them. Covering evrything from bottled water to phsycics they do tend to come to the one place we all get to: "Shut the Fuck Up!"
And yet I blog.
i have watched a rash of Mars movies from the 90's lately. I can't wait till the monsters of mars are awakened in New genesis, learn the escape velocity of Mars and come fumbling around on earth making movies of Earth. But alas they have not yet so I must put up with Val Kilmer blowing up Sensei Robots and Cheedle growing a beard he couldn't cut til help arrives then viola, a well shaven nuevo botanist remains pointless in charictor.
The movies have not been great and I would hope Pam Greer would admit that but maybe someday martians will show us the way to make a movie about planets that doesn't suck.

-Bitter Biffditty

Sunday, February 17, 2008

More Mini Reviews

Some more movies that have come through my Netflix since November.

Glengarry Glen Ross..........A bunch of angry men yelling at each other for 90 minutes. Good performances but I think this was probably better as a play

The Omega Man..........Charlton Heston's version of I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. I saw it many years ago and enjoyed, this time I thought it was really slow and heavy-handed.

Resident Evil: Extinction.........#3 of the Resident Evil trilogy, I am a Milla Jovovich and a zombie fan so aside from Milla being overly air-brushed I found this movie very enjoyable.

The Departed..........This movie is full of actors I try to avoid, Jack Nicholson, Leo DiCaprio, and Matt Damon but this movie was GREAT!!! Mark Wahlberg rocks!

La Vie en Rose..........Marion Cotillard deserves every award she is winning for this movie. A completely entertaining yet sad and haunting biography of Edith Piaf.

Tourist Trap..........One of my all time guilty pleasures, I love this movie.

Vacancy..........The lame ending spoiled this for me, I had too many questions when it was all done.

Nighthawks..........Another guilty pleasure: Rutger Hauer and Billy Dee Williams

Crank..........I don't recall this movie getting very good reviews, but it was well edited, moved quickly, had some humorous moments, great music and Jason Statham. Nothing at all wrong with this movie.

Iris..........I cried and cried at the end of this movie. Very well acted and filmed.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space..........They cocoon you in cotton candy and suck your blood through crazy straws, 'nuff said.

Pan's Labyrinth..........I thought this was something completely different than it actually was, beautifully filmed and acted.

Prince of Darkness..........A shlock cinema charmer with Alice Cooper

Hellraiser..........I think I waited too long to see this movie and don't get all the hubbub.

C.H.U.D...........Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers, Awesome!!

Scanners..........Cronenberg, exploding heads, and great 70's sets/furniture. I really enjoyed this one.

The Brood.........More Cronenberg still good but I liked Scanners more.

The Hills Have Eyes..........Absolutely no reason this movie needed to be made, but the dogs were wonderful.

The She Beast - not very beastly

We have been attending Schlock Cinema 101 taught by Professor Fred Hopkins. If you live in Seattle and get Commiecast channel 28, hopefully you have seen Professor Fred host Movie Marvels on Friday nights at 9 (Saturday afternoon at 3). The class is six weeks long and every week we watch a different example of Schlock Cinema, in addition Professor Fred gave each of us a movie to take home and view with the object being to give a movie review in class. Luckily the speaking in class portion is optional because I do not perform well in front of others. Anyway the movie I was given to watch is The She Beast made in 1966 and starring Barbara Steele who may already be known to you as the star of Mario Bava's Black Sunday a film I have not seen yet but have heard great things about.

The She Beast takes place in Transylvania and starts with a car weaving down a country road, a drunken old man gets out, goes into a furnished cave, plops onto a bed and begins reading from the diary of Count Van Helsing circa 1765. We then flashback to 1765 where a funeral is occurring. Suddenly a small child bursts into the church and yells that She has taken another one! The angry villagers mob and go after her completely disregarding the warnings of a little person who tells them its not the right time and they should wait for the Count to do the exorcism. The villagers capture the witch and take her to a lake where they promptly strap her to a dowsing chair and proceed to drown her but not before she manages to curse them all and say "I'll be back".

Flash back to present day where we meet our hero and heroine, Patrick and Veronica, traveling through Transylvania on their honeymoon. They are of course lost and decide to spend the night in a hotel in the village where unbeknownst to them a witch was drowned 200 years ago. At the hotel they meet Count Van Helsing a descendant of the Count from 1765 and a proud member of the family who rid Transylvania of the Draculas. His job, as he tells Patrick and Veronica, is to hang out and wait for the chance to protect the village from any Satanic problems. Later that evening Patrick gets into a fight with the hotel manager prompting the manager to monkey with their car engine. This may or may not be what causes their car to lose control the next day and drive into the very lake where the witch was drowned. A helpful truck driver who saw the accident rescues Patrick and what he thinks is the body of Veronica but turns out to be the witch's body; she has possessed the soul of Veronica and used it to come back to life to take vengeance on the villagers who drowned her 200 years ago, coincidentally it is the anniversary of her drowning. Will Count Van Helsing be able to convince Patrick the witch is real, will they be able to exorcise the witch in time to recover Victoria from the lake, will there be a happily ever after?

This movie was strange, if you ignore the not very creative plot, there are a whole host of other things which really bugged me most importantly was the witch. Right from the start we are never shown her behaving as a witch or actually killing the small child she supposedly took. I must confess it appeared to me as if the villagers were simply using an old, very ugly woman as the excuse for their troubles. My sympathy was with the witch from the start and as the movie went on my sympathies only got stronger. The present day villagers are no better than the lynch mob villagers of the past. The hotel manager likes to peek into guests windows and watch them having sex and he tried to rape his niece. The truck driver who I thought was friendly and helpful at first coerces the manager to help him hide the accident from the police because he will go to jail if the accident is discovered, and the other villagers don't have a clue what is going on because they are busy attending a cock-fight!!! And yes they show the dead cock after the fight!! Some other irritating items were the constant anti-Communist references as if the director had decided the movie was to be a political statement and the police chase scene which felt like a Keystone cops routine. And lastly was the fact that even though Barbara Steele is the first billing star of the movie she is only actually in it for about 10 minutes. This movie was a mess that could have been so much better. So sad.